Stretching Me

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“Believe you can and you are half way there” Theodore Roosevelt

I know I am responsible for this life I’m living and as problems come into focus so are solutions. I just have to keep my eyes and my heart open and recognize the hurdles, accept the solutions when they come to me.

Sometimes though, when I’m all tangled up in the emotions surrounding a situation I distract myself for a while instead and give my mind a rest. I think I want a bubble to live in filled with pleasant love, creative imagination, inspired direction and calm. But that’s not what I always get.

Sometimes I feel like all I have his questions. How am I going to find creative stimulation? How am I going to improve? How can I remain a creator and not and abdicator? How do I keep myself on track? How can I do my best each day and realign with my truth? How do I move one tiny step towards my dream today? How do I remain calm while the things I want come to me more slowly than I wish?

My dreams are stretching me. For them to move into reality I’m going to have to be willing to be uncomfortable and to feel these feelings.

There are people in this world who are absolutely born to be daredevils. There are people who love excitement and crave it, must have it to be happy. I lean towards being a little more timid. I crave peace.

I hope to shine, expand, and unfurl without too much pain. Is it possible to learn to enjoy this stretching?

 

 

Breathing In

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“Martin Luther King didn’t say I have a strategy he said I have a dream” – Bob Proctor

While I think it’s possible to spend too much time with your head in the clouds, I also know without a doubt that life can be absolutely bleak without dreams. Since I started purposely setting aside time to “dream” my life has changed drastically.

Most days, I find myself waking up excited and anxious to get out of bed early, have that first coffee and maybe also a second and to spend a little time in my jumping off place. This is my “creative journal.” I was introduced to this process by a woman named Andrea Schroeder.

Andrea has created an online company specifically designed to help people get in touch with their dreams and to engage the process of creating (CREATIVE DREAM INCUBATOR) I’m always going to be grateful to her for helping me get my ball rolling.

Inspiration literally comes from taking a moment to stop and breathe in. Inspiration gets me out of bed. I ask myself where I am, where I want to go and what I need and want. Breathe in, breathe out, be still. Moving into the presence that is inside, outside, everywhere and unavoidable.

On the days when I wake up feeling jangled and anxious I know that this Spirit, my spirit, is knocking hard on my heart and asking me to sit down for a minute and have a little chat. I know it means I haven’t been making enough time to listen to myself and I’ve been treading water in the deep end for too long. There’s a limit to how long you can go in circles.

I don’t want to feel like I’m pushing a boulder up a mountain. I do want to feel like life is rolling gently forward in a natural and comfortable way.

Sometimes I’m afraid that my dreams will get me in trouble and into situations that I’ll find overwhelming, combative and exhausting and my quiet time with my journal helps me to unravel these snarls before they get too tangled.

Its good to know we can be successful and happy on our own terms and also make sure these things don’t happen.

 

 

 

Moving forward one “sock drawer” at a time.

We’ve all got those imperfect and uncomfortable situations in our lives that feel constipated, “stuck.” You know, necessary situations and people who we wish were just a little or a lot different. Someone who could have a much better life if they only changed XY or Z. And sometimes we drive ourselves crazy about them. (REALLY REALLY CRAZY)

The thing is, there is nothing that is not evolving and we are not here to sort it all out. We can’t make life perfect enough so that we can always feel good. It’s impossible.

I have to admit I’m pretty lucky and won’t have many REAL problems. And if I have a REAL problem then I’m going to be very busy solving it. For example I would consider it a REAL PROBLEM, if the house was on fire. In that case I’m not going to worry, I’m going to phone the fire department and turn on the hose not be sitting and stressing about whether my hair is going to smell like smoke.

Still, sometimes I can convince myself that YOU have a problem and YOU have to change before I can stop being MISERABLE and on those days, I’m pretty much turning myself into a victim and screwing myself over. Poor me I just can’t be happy because you are not behaving.

Author Gretchen Rubin talks about the “atmosphere of growth” and how we all feel really good when we are growing and things are improving. This sense of forward motion can come from small and ordinary things. Something as simple as sorting out the sock drawer can actually ease our minds.

So what does this mean? For me it means attempting to mind my own business and tend to my own business. What is my business? My business is ME, the things my life touches and impacts and being aware of and actively engaged in what I can do with my precious life.

It feels so delicious when I am thriving and I’m willing to take credit for that. I’m buying into the idea that it’s my job to push myself to become the emerging me even though my self-doubts would like to preoccupy me with anything and everything else. Especially you, because, if I focus on you, I don’t have to do anything about me.

So every day or at least once a week I’m waking early and sitting down with my creative journal. It’s a place where I write what’s happening and clarify where I’m going. It helps me to focus.

 

I’d like to apologize for sometimes blaming others for the life I’m not living. IMG_5309Let’s make a pact, just for today, to make ourselves happy and let’s stay in charge of US. Let’s grow, fix and build US and just for today let’s stop mentally fighting with and fixing everything and everyone else.

 

 

 

Toward the Light

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I believe God has made and is part of each and everyone of us and I don’t think it matters what name you give God. I’m talking about that great creative spirit that set the universe in motion and that had to conceive it before that could happen.

Every one of us has a creative aspect seeded in our nature and we are all MAKERS. You might be making your family, you might be making your nest, you might be a creative genius and curing the common cold but you have something you are making. Maybe you’re making a disaster out of your life. The point is you’re making.

Wallace D. wattles said “the purpose of life is growth ” and I really feel that for myself, at least, if I’m not growing in some direction I’m sick, injured or depressed!

For sure there’s been times where I’ve just not wanted to get out of bed in the morning and where I’d rather watch television and eat chips than do anything else but those days when I look back on them were very bleak. Maybe I was once the girl who fell down and felt ashamed of myself but today (only today) I’m the girl who got back up and who can tell the story of moving forward.

Growing towards the light is programmed into the smallest seed and also into you and me. We are all trying to and to do this we’ve just got to open ourselves and be willing and to keep trying. There’s some cosmic intelligence that’s expressing itself through us.

So here I am in this world that is perfectly fine and always creatively evolving inside and outside of me. What is the question that I’m trying to answer with my blog? I think I’m trying to figure out how to have an incredible life and control of my thoughts and behaviors. How am I going to go about this deliberately every single day?

How are you?

Today I woke up with a headache (you know the kind that makes you want to throw up) but I just can’t give up. So I’m going to go to town and pick up my grandsons and we’re going to go to the park and maybe get some ice cream. And I’m going to post this little blog. I’m going to make some time to listen to my heart to my soul because that that is where I believe that Creation speaks to me. I don’t know about tomorrow.

“I surrender my body to be ruled by my mind I surrender my mind to be governed by my soul, and I surrender my soul to the guidance of God. ” -Wallace D. Wattles

A Summer is Born

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Every year fall, winter and spring cooperate in the great Canadian gestation. I feel creatively expectant, like I’m waiting for something really important to be born, and like everything old will finally be new again as I emerge splendidly summery and glittering.

Of course, summer is a great time of year. We wait for it for eight or nine months! We put all our hope into it. We long for it desperately for at least the last three months. We feel like we might even die from the waiting during the last weeks.

Summer is the time when everything will be possible. The sun will shine every day and the air will always feel just the right temperature. The wind is never going to dare to blow.
Every day is going to unfold in an avalanche of patio lanterns and floating in swimming pools with glasses of sangria. The truth is often a little less awesome.

Summer gets here and we realize we don’t fit the bathing suit. We are going to burn in the neighbours pool and the dog poop in our own yard has to be gathered after a long winter frozen safely under the snow. The garden must be weeded and grass cut. The kids are out of school and need minding every day and all they really want to do is fight over video games while being served chicken fingers, french fries and coke.

I know that lots of young moms dread the coming of summer. For them it is a time of extra work, incarceration and loss of freedom.

For me summer means going for peer led (by volunteers) Aquasize with lady friends in one of their pools. It does mean a little babysitting because I’m a grandma and I love taking my grandchildren to the local beach in an old quarry. I also love taking them to the park and walking uptown to get ice cream cones, sometimes on rainy days we go to the library.

It means the barbeque it’s getting used and we’re having salads with supper. I don’t really have a set schedule and I wake up every day early anyways. I’m excited to be painting pictures and going kayaking with my husband and to have lots of free time on my hands.

What does summer mean to you? Are you at the stage of life where you go away somewhere warm for the winter and don’t long for it anxiously the way I do?

 

 

Paint Parties and Polkadots

We are having a ball with mini paint parties! And I must say that polkadots make me feel very happy. I don’t understand why that is, but they just do. As you can see polkadot wildflowers are rioting all over our canvases.

Getting together in the back yard with half a dozen friends, some munchies mix and a little summer sangria is best.

Historic Clayburn Village B n B

It’s a great time of year to go on an adventure! We decided to nip out to Abbotsford BC since flights were only eighty dollars (because it’s what they call “shoulder season”) and Craig found this lovely B N B in historic Clayburn village, that serves fresh free run eggs that get laid right in its back yard. There’s an old fashioned candy store a few doors down and a farmers market about 1 kilometre away. Heaven!

The house is owned by Ramsey and Leslie – the breakfast they serve is amazing and keeps you full all day while you play until you are ready for your well earned supper.

Today we are going to go see some waterfalls and find the spectacular Othello tunnels near Hope BC (the town where they filmed Rambo). We’ll see what they are all about plus we’ll go hiking in the mountains. Something we just don’t get to do everyday.

I have to say one thing about the Abbotsford area, if you don’t like the weather just wait 5 minutes because it will change!

here is a link to the best BNB we’ve ever stayed at! http://www.clayburnvillagebb.com

Proud Momma!

IMG_4400  I’d like to hope that we’ve had an influence and passed some some good things on to this family. Craig and I are both very active and we are so proud of our active children. Left to right, Louise Rainey is a marathon runner, Nicole Klassen is a body building busy mother, Tess Beck is a personal trainer in Northern Manitoba then there’s us Gail Spencer-Lamm and Craig Lamm, finally on the far right Davis Honiball a crossfitter who worksout in his own basement all the time.

Louise even has her own blog dedicated to running “from a back of the pack perspective.” Check it out here LOUISE RUNS

Prairie Wildflower Riot

IMG_4787The day was cold and windy and I had to keep coming back into the house to warm up. Taking hours to paint a background and then violently flinging paint at it outside where the neighbours might see me is something I’m just not comfortable with. But I want to brave my discomfort and step out into new experiences so I did it.

What a workout for my pounding heart.

I’m experimenting, trying to learn a new way of painting, of being, to relax and be less controlling, less comfortable, more courageous and it’s terrifying me. My first attempt was dreadful. Today’s ruined clothes are destined to remain designated for flinging. It’s a messy business this getting out of your rut. It doesn’t always turn out well.

I’m hopeful though. I can see there’s a possibility this could get better. I’m not ready to stop growing. So onward.

Painting by Gail Spencer-Lamm – Prairie Wildflower Riot